So Chirstmas is coming very soon. We have all the present for the kids which is really nice. They're going to have a good one this year. Its been a while. Things arent as good as i would like them to be tho. Which really sucks. Like the last time ernie and I actually got something for each other was before andrew was born. Sad isn't it?? Ever since then its been about the kids. (which it should be) but the point i'm making is that it would be nice to be able to put something under the tree for each other.
Hell ernie and I went to the mall the other day and ya he got a clip for his phone. (which that was the whole point of going). But ya I was really upset (which ernie could tell). Its no fun going to the mall going to 3 stores not buying anything. Ya I stopped to peak at a few things but when i looked up at ernie I walked quicky out of the store. I was stupid to stop and look at the things i was looking at. Ya ernie asked me before we left if there was something i wanted to look at and of course i told him "No, its fine we can go." Theres no point it looking at stuff your never going to be able to buy.
Ya we would have thought that with ernie getting over time that maybe just maybe this year we could have got each other something but fuck that its not gonna happen. Since he got hours mine got cut. I really HATE chirstmas. Hell I'm starting to just HATE life.
It would be nice for ernie and i to be able to have a date night but thats never going to happen. Ya my parents well take the kids for us but either i have to work or he does so its not like we can do anything. Plus erneis not one for going to the movies or going out which i understand. I'm tired of working and having nothing to show for it. I'm tired of never going out and doing anything. I'm fucking 26 years old and feel trapped. Clean the house, take care of the kids, work. Theres my life sucks doesn't it. I had one night that it was just me ernie was at work the kids at my parents. It was great to be able to drive where ever I wanted and free to do what i want. I did everything i wanted to but go the the bar. Which well the bar cost money so that was out.
What the fuck ever i guess, some people get to live and others dont. Dont get me wrong i love my kids and my life. I just hate how I never get to do anything or buy anything. Yup gift cards or hoping to hell that my clothes from years ago still fit those are my clothes. So ya I wear the same thing a lot because i dont have anything.
My parents had to do the kids chirstmas pictures this year. You know how bad that hurts?? You know how bad it hurts me that Elizabeths almost 2 and we dont even have a family picture. But I don't want to make anyone do anything that they dont want to.
Sorry I really bitched in this one.
